When it comes to finding friends, perhaps the
first step is understanding what exactly
friendship is. Does it mean you have each other
in your Facebook list? Or that you see each other
every Tuesday when you play racquetball? Not
really. A relationship needs to have some key
elements in order to be labeled as friendship.
A Personal Relationship That Is Reciprocated
It's not enough to see a person at, say, book
group each week and enjoy their company.
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In order for a friend to truly be considered a
friend, he or she has to also believe you are their
friend also.
This can get tricky, because most people have a
different idea of what friendship really means.
Some people are instantly trusting of new people,
and accept them into their heart without
question. For these types of folks, they assume
someone is their friend until they find out
otherwise.
The Difference Between Being Friends and
Acting Friendly
Other people, however, might act "friendly" with
someone but not consider them a friend for quite
a while.
See Also: Do You Believe One of These
Friendship Myths?
Perhaps these types of people need to get know
someone better before they even consider
labeling them as a friend. Or perhaps they
already have a lot of friends and therefore
wouldn't consider someone they occasionally at
social events a friend.
It's a not perfect world, but in terms of
friendship, someone who is genuinely a friend
usually:
Friends Are Kind and Act As a Positive Influence
in Your Life
It should go without saying that real friends
make you feel good, as opposed to bring you
down. People who are genuinely your friend put
your relationship above being right or trying to
feel superior. If someone constantly puts you
down, he or she is not a real friend.
However, people have bad days and act
imperfect, so there are times when a true friend
will be negative or hurt your feelings. The way to
determine if they are really a friend (as opposed
to something more negative like a frenemy ) is to
look at the whole of your relationship. Don't look
at moments alone, but consider:
If someone is really your friend, they act in a kind
manner. They do nice things for you. (If they ask
you to do things for them without ever
reciprocating, chances are they aren't really a
friend.)
Friends don't keep score, but there is a balance
to the relationship. Sometimes one friend might
be in the "spotlight," while the other is cheering
them on. Friends should trade off in giving each
other the "floor" in a conversation and in life, and
should understand when the moment is their
friends and not theirs.
Friends Are People You See on a Regular Basis
The other key component to friendship is a real,
face-to-face, relationship. This isn't to say that
after you have established a friendship, you can't
still be friends with them once they move away.
However, in order to have a real friendship, you
have to spend time with each other.
While online friendships can serve a place in your
life, they aren't the same as a real friendship. To
that end, the term "friendship" does get applied to
many situations today, from loyal customers to
people you don't even know and will never meet.
But that doesn't mean these people are truly your
friends.
If you need to qualify the definition of a friend in
your life (my work friend, my Facebook friend),
then chances are it isn't a real friendship, but is
instead a different type of relationship.
in Your Life
It should go without saying that real friends
make you feel good, as opposed to bring you
down. People who are genuinely your friend put
your relationship above being right or trying to
feel superior. If someone constantly puts you
down, he or she is not a real friend.
However, people have bad days and act
imperfect, so there are times when a true friend
will be negative or hurt your feelings. The way to
determine if they are really a friend (as opposed
to something more negative like a frenemy ) is to
look at the whole of your relationship. Don't look
at moments alone, but consider:
If someone is really your friend, they act in a kind
manner. They do nice things for you. (If they ask
you to do things for them without ever
reciprocating, chances are they aren't really a
friend.)
Friends don't keep score, but there is a balance
to the relationship. Sometimes one friend might
be in the "spotlight," while the other is cheering
them on. Friends should trade off in giving each
other the "floor" in a conversation and in life, and
should understand when the moment is their
friends and not theirs.
Friends Are People You See on a Regular Basis
The other key component to friendship is a real,
face-to-face, relationship. This isn't to say that
after you have established a friendship, you can't
still be friends with them once they move away.
However, in order to have a real friendship, you
have to spend time with each other.
While online friendships can serve a place in your
life, they aren't the same as a real friendship. To
that end, the term "friendship" does get applied to
many situations today, from loyal customers to
people you don't even know and will never meet.
But that doesn't mean these people are truly your
friends.
If you need to qualify the definition of a friend in
your life (my work friend, my Facebook friend),
then chances are it isn't a real friendship, but is
instead a different type of relationship.
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